I was always interested so much in colours.. crayons. The smell of the wax crayons made me cheerful, just like the smell of petrol did (Many of you can relate to the smell of petrol, I guess. Who doesn’t like the smell of petrol.. well, apparently, my mom doesn’t.)
One can find manyyy crayons and colours in my home because I am literally obsessed with them! I had always been.
It was when I was in my third grade that I asked my brother to lend me his colours. Obviously I was reluctant to use mine. I wanted to keep mine fresh and neat. But also because his colours were more beautiful and sophisticated ones. I used to hide my crayons and would lie to him that they are broken! Now don’t you guess that he had given it to me willingly. My mom insisted so he gave them to me! The younger one always wins in this case! (This case alone)
Everything was perfect…Until I lost them. I was damn scared! I don’t clearly remember the reason why I was afraid… was it because I lost them… or scared of my brother’s beatings.. or afraid to lose his trust… or my mother. Perhaps I was scared of them all, I guess!
I still remember the day because it had made me so scared, which I never was until then. My struggle to find those… the fights I did with my friends to find it…. The suspicions I had upon everyone, including the teacher (funny for us now, but it was pretty serious then!)
Brother reacted the same way I had expected him to. I had lost his trust. I was also upset because I used to love those crayons too!! They were more beautiful than mine.
We all are in some way afraid to lose anything that are too dear to us. Sometimes material possessions. Sometimes more important matters like love, trust, respect etc etc.
People say life is a journey. Okay I accept that.
People say that nothing is permanent. Okay, I will think about this one.
People say loses are natural. No way I am going to agree to this!
Hard truth: we are the ‘people’. We are the ones who say all of these at some point of our life. And we are the ones who passes these beliefs (or rather should I say lies?) to the next generations as mantras!
Right from our very young age, we are taught of various important lessons….We are taught to take responsibilities and are asked to not run away from them. But later on, I have realised that none of us have implemented any of these ever in our life. Or at least.. some of us were not able to abide by these lessons always.
Question yourself.. have I ran away from any responsibility? (I have)
Have I ever lied..? (I have)…
I have great respect for those who have frankly accepted the truth.
We are taught that nothing in our life is permanent. It might or might not be. But why do we have to Care about it?
Honestly saying, everything we do… all the affection we give others are based on the belief that, “ someday they will leave us. And then we won’t be able to love them or hug them or kiss them”
So we are doing it now. In a hurry!
We are completing various phases of our life like completing the levels of a video game. We are being ignorant of the fact that we don’t always need to choose what others choose. We can also play by our own rules.
We are stuck with the belief that sorrow and misery are the part and parcel of life. That might be true but why do we always need to accept them? Why do we forget about other choices we have? Why don’t we think about dumping them in the bin and walk off?
Oh I get it! We feel that people might perceive that we are emotionless! Careless! Carefree!!
So ask yourself now. What are you REALLY bothered about? How to deal with loses and departure? Or how to deal with PEOPLE?
Everyone taught me, loses are natural. But none told me that there are choices! To overcome them or to dump them. Or to mourn over them until you get tired of your life!
In the end, I bought him new crayons. Well, my father did. And he found the new one much better!
Mourning is not our only choice.
Why don’t you look for yourself?
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